I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize