Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
