I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
