Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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