Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
