I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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