girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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