Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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