He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You made out with two different species that night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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