I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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