I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
