he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize