You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
