The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
