what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
