Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
