Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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