New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
