Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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