I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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