this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
