burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
