i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
