how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
