He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize