i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
