i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
