I cannot find my penis.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
