I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
