There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
