Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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