We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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