I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
