i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize