I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
