Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just high enough for therapy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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