Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
