Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
