Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
