Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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