It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
