im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
