What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
