my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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