Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
