If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
