Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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