How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
