I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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