Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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