I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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