There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
