Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
