just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
