Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
