Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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