what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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