So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
