she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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