but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
