I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My bed smells like the plague
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
