I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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