She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
