Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
