Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
