I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize