home. puking in laundry basket.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
