All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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