Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
try to milk me bitch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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