we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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